— Privacy
We don't collect anything.
Because this is a parody website, there is no real backend to send your information to. Here's the longer answer.
What we collect from you.
Nothing. There are no analytics scripts, no tracking cookies, no advertising pixels, no fingerprinting, no session recording, no heatmap tools, and no third-party tag managers on this site. The "place your order" form on the home page and the longer form at /order do not submit anywhere — when you click the button, they reveal a parody disclosure card on your screen and that is the entire flow.
What our host sees.
This site is deployed on Cloudflare Pages. Cloudflare keeps standard request logs (IP address, user agent, requested URL, timestamp) for a short window for the purpose of running their network. We do not read those logs, and we have not added any analytics layer on top of them. Cloudflare's privacy commitments apply to that infrastructure.
What we store on your device.
One key in your browser's localStorage, called theme. It remembers whether you chose light or dark mode so the page does not flash the wrong color on reload. Nothing else is written. Nothing is read. It lives only on your machine and you can wipe it from your browser's site settings at any time — the site still works, it just defaults to whichever color scheme your operating system prefers.
Third-party assets we load.
- Google Fonts. Bricolage Grotesque, Inter, and Orbitron load from
fonts.googleapis.com. Google's privacy policy applies to that connection. - Videos. All video files on this site are served from the same domain. There is no YouTube embed, no Vimeo embed, and nothing reaches out to a third-party player.
- 3D model. The Weedamouse model loads from the same domain. There is no external CDN call for it.
What we do not do.
- We do not run Google Analytics, Plausible, Fathom, Mixpanel, Amplitude, PostHog, Hotjar, or any other analytics tool.
- We do not run Meta Pixel, TikTok Pixel, LinkedIn Insight Tag, or any other ad-network pixel.
- We do not run a customer-data platform, a tag manager, a session recorder, or an email-capture tool.
- We do not have a mailing list. There is nowhere to subscribe.
- We do not sell, share, or transmit anything about you to anyone, because we have nothing to sell, share, or transmit.
In the alternate timeline where Weedamouse is real.
If we ever built a real version of this product, we would necessarily collect your name, delivery address, payment method, and order history. We would publish a separate privacy policy for that product, covering each category of data, how long we keep it, who else gets to see it (nobody, in our preferred version of that universe), and how to delete it. We would also engineer the platform so that, ideally, even we could not read the address book.
If you have a concern.
Privacy questions about this parody site go to team@funnelsgenius.com. We respond within one business week.
Last updated: May 15th, 2026.